Everyone loves having sex, especially casually. And if someone says that they don’t much care for it, they’re either lying or having some boring-ass sex. Let’s face it, there is not much better than getting busy.
There are many ways to get your groove on. You may be in a long-term relationship where you both just “get” each other. Or, maybe you’re more the one-night-stand kind, getting your jollies with a new pretty little thing every night.
But, maybe you’re lucky enough to have yourself a casual sex partner who you can text when a porno and your own left-hook aren’t cutting it anymore. Normally the two of you aren’t dating and the discussion about emotions never comes up and things are just going great.
And then…they aren’t.
We’ve all been there. We’ve had those casual sex relationships where we were banging along and then, BOOM, feelings. Or one of us got crazy jealous. Or clingy. Or all relationship-y.
Casual sex relationships are great as long as both parties are aware of what the relationship is, what the expectations are, and more importantly, what you both don’t want.
If you are currently in a casual sex relationship or thinking of giving it a go with a friend, you need to follow these rules to not ruin it.
7 Rules to Follow So You Don’t Ruin a Casual Sex Relationship
Here are some rules that you must understand if you don’t want to ruin a casual relationship. These are not optional as far as I’m concerned…
Rule #1: Let your partner know if you’re going to date other people.
You and your casual sex partner aren’t in a relationship-it’s strictly about sex. So, if you (or your partner) plan on dating, it is not only allowed, it should be encouraged. If you’re off looking for love, the chances of developing feelings for your sex buddy will be minimized.
If, when you approach this subject, your sex friend doesn’t like that idea, it is probably best to part ways. Casual relationships don’t require too much explanation, and if your casual sex partner can’t handle you being out on the prowl, they could be trouble down the line.
Of course, if the dating is going to involve bumping uglies with other people in addition to sleeping with your bed buddy, make sure you are all playing safely. A huge way to ruin a good thing is to bring home crotch cooties, both curable and not, or another type of lifetime commitment. (Think: A baby)
Rule #2: Don’t date each other.
If you and your casual sex buddy are going out with each other, A LOT, you’re dating. Plain and simple. And if that’s what you want, you both need to admit what’s going on and give it its proper name: A R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P.
Look, most people end up seriously dating and there will always be time for hand-holding, flowers, dinner at fancy places, movies, and acting silly later. If you’ve got a good thing going with a casual sex partner keep it that way until you’re ready to grow up and be an adult.
Rule #3: Don’t talk about feelings.
Seriously, talking about feelings is the biggest buzz kill in a casual sex relationship. If you want a sex-only relationship to end, start yapping about love and watch your lady-friend bolt.
If your sex friend starts talking about feelings, though, you need to stop that nonsense in its tracks ASAP. If you don’t, one or both of you is going to get hurt. And nobody wants to get hurt or do the hurting, even if it isn’t a serious relationship.
Rule #4: Stay out of your partners’ life.
Once you start meeting friends, and worse yet, family, you’re in a relationship that is not just sex. Again, if that’s what you want, go for it. But, if you want to keep things completely casual and only a bedroom kinda thing, you can’t be too involved in what your sex buddy is up to away from you.
Rule #5: Don’t get crazy with the texting.
Everybody texts, so it’s normal to text your sex-friend. However, if you want to avoid your partner thinking that you’re looking for more than sex, you’re going to want to keep your messages short and sweet and about the sex. If you start asking about their day or sending little emoji’s and “thinking about you” types of texts, things are going to get muddy.
Put the phone down and keep “the dirty” in the bedroom (BTW, “The Dirty” is the best gossip site ever).
Rule #6: Be prepared for your partner to walk.
There is probably going to be a point that your casual sex partner is going to want to stop having sex with you and be in a real relationship.
With someone who isn’t you.
I’m sure you’re a wonderful person and many people would love to be in a relationship with you. However, your sex friend more than likely will not be one of those people. Don’t let it offend you, she’s with you for one thing and that one thing is something she couldn’t get elsewhere at that time, so you should be flattered.
If your partner tells you she is moving on, be a big boy and bow out gracefully.
Rule #7: Be respectful.
This is probably the most important rule when you’re in a casual sex relationship: Be respectful.
Everyone deserves to be treated like a human and with respect. If you can’t do that with someone, or if you even have the inkling that you might act like a total baby when she decides the relationship is over, you’re not ready for this type of thing.
It is important to remember that your sex partner is not a sex toy, not a sex worker, and not your property. And like your momma said, treat her how you’d like to be treated.
Casual sex relationships are a great thing when they work. Unfortunately, too many people start acting the fool and things go awry. If you are considering a casual sex relationship, or you’re already in one, use common sense, keep things cool, keep the feelings away, be mature, and respect your partner. As long as you can do those things, you’re going to have a nice, long, exciting sex life without any strings being attached.
And isn’t that what we all want?