Having a friend with benefits isn’t anything new; people have been getting busy with their friends for a long time. Having sex with someone you know is comfortable, safe, and easy… or is it?
Sometimes having sex with someone you know, but aren’t in a relationship with, can actually be riskier than finding someone at a bar or on a hookup site and spending a few hours together.
There are many pros and cons to having casual sex with a friend. If you’re considering having a friends with benefits relationship with someone you know, read my guide about how things can go wrong and how you can ensure it doesn’t get out of control.
Why Is Sex With Friends So Popular?
Casual sex with people we consider our friends is becoming less taboo than ever before. Friends are a safe choice since we already know them, we don’t have to woo them, and we know each other’s likes and dislikes. Having a friends-with-benefits relationship with someone we know is an exciting way to take things to the next level without a full-on romantic relationship.
Unfortunately, these types of sexual relationships won’t always work out. No matter how hard you try to avoid it, sometimes those pesky feelings sneak in. Feelings are the number one reason friends-with-benefits relationships hit the skids.
So, the biggest question is are these casual hookups with friends really worth it?
Disadvantages to a Friends w/ Benefits Relationship
There is nothing wrong with having casual sex, in fact, it can be exciting, fun, and something that keeps you feeling sane in this crazy world.
But, there are some definite disadvantages to having casual sex with a friend and they include:
- Emotions
If you’re having sex with a friend, not just an acquaintance, it is almost impossible to not have feelings and emotions about that person.
I mean, you like them for a reason and as a guy, you’ve probably checked out every girlfriend you have and thought what they’d be like in the sack. So, there is already a base of feelings there to start with and once you introduce sex, well, things can get wonky.
- Jealousy
Think about it, you’re sleeping with your girlfriend and things are going well and then one day she says she has a date. Like, a real date, not a sex date. She’s excited, she’s looking sexy as hell, and she’s not going out with you.
How does that make you feel? Can you honestly say that it doesn’t bother you at all that your sex buddy is spending time with another man? And what if she decides to have sex with both of you (separately, of course)?
I don’t know many men that would be totally chill with the woman they’re sleeping with going out and sexing it up with other men, and because the relationship is just a friends-with-benefits thing, it’s totally in-bounds for that to happen.
- Your Other Friends
One of the most exciting things about having a friends-with-benefits relationship is its usually a secretive thing. There is something almost naughty about having sex with a friend and nobody in your circle of friends knows a thing about it.
But, what happens when they find out?
Sure, some of them may be A-OK with it, but it will probably make things pretty damn awkward. And, once you’re found out, is it going to be as exciting as it was when it started out? Honestly, when these types of relationships fizzle, they fizzle pretty hard.
And, then what?
Do you stay friends? Can you stay friends? It would take A LOT of maturity and hard work for friends-with-benefits to stay friends after the sex is over and most of the time it just isn’t possible.
What might even be worse is that now you’ve got a group of friends involved, will their allegiances fall one way or the other? Will you be breaking up a bunch of buds who have known each other for a while?
A friend with benefits relationship often doesn’t just involve the two people getting busy, it often has a group of hangers-on that might be pretty pissed at you messing up a good thing.
How to Have a Successful FWB Relationship
If you’ve thought about all the things that could go wrong by having sex with a friend and you still think it’s a good idea, you might wonder if it’s possible to do anything to improve the chances that having a friends-with-benefits will work out for you.
Well, you’re in luck because there are some things you can do to ensure your relationship doesn’t go up in flames.
- Don’t get emotional
Before you ever get your pants off, you need to have a serious conversation with your potential sack mate about what you both expect. If she gives off any clues that she’s got feelings for you, you need to politely thank her and move on. I’m sure you’re a pretty decent guy and you don’t want to hurt her, so be honest about what you want and what you don’t want from the get-go.
- Keep the chatter going
Since you’re going to be having sex with a person who knows you, you shouldn’t feel shy about talking about the things you want to do in bed. I mean, if you can’t talk to your friends, who the hell can you talk to?
Seriously, having a fuck buddy that knows you and won’t judge you is the best kind of fuck buddy to have if you want to explore your sexuality and try new things in bed.
- Don’t push for more
Most times when emotions and relationships are brought up, we think it’s the women who are pushing for them. However, sometimes guys catch the feelings-bug, too and if you do, keep it to yourself. Pushing for a relationship when it wasn’t what you both agreed to is a dick move and likely to ruin the entire sexual and non-sexual friendship.
- Keep things to yourselves
Even though sex isn’t seen as the “bad” thing it once was, most women do not want you spreading their personal business all over the place. If a girl wants to touch your privates, you need to feel flattered and keep your blabbermouth shut or guess what happens?
You guessed it right. If you tell everyone and their mother about what you two are doing it’s a sure-fire way to going back to solo play sessions with that numb hand of yours.
Seriously, don’t be that guy.
- Keep yourself tested and clean
Just because you and a friend are having sex doesn’t mean you both have to stay monogamous, unless you discuss it and want it that way. It is important that you both keep yourselves tested for any STI’s and use protection if you’re going to be playing with more than each other. Nobody wants to catch anything and I’m pretty sure you don’t want to explain to your child someday that their mom was just someone you were screwing around with.
Be smart, kids.
- Talk about how it will end
Maturity is realizing that what you’re doing probably won’t last forever unless you both end up in a full-on relationship. If you’re considering a friends-with-benefits relationship, it is important to discuss what would cause it to end and what happens then.
Do you want to keep things going while you’re looking for a partner? Will it end as soon as you start dating someone else? Can either of you tap-out when you’re ready with no explanation? Do you want to stay friends after it does end?
These are all things you need to seriously consider and discuss with your sex buddy.
The Bottom Line on Friends With Benefits
Choosing to have a friends-with-benefits with someone you’re already close to can be risky. But, as long as you really think about what you want, what you don’t want, and work at keeping things quiet, safe, and without emotions getting in the way, having a successful friends-with-benefits relationship is possible.
It isn’t without its challenges, though, so you need to be prepared for some issues and the possibility of losing a friend (or more) because of your physical needs.
Having friends with benefits isn’t something to take lightly, but it can be some of the best sex and fun times you’ll ever have. Just make sure to choose wisely, grasshopper.
About Owen Cashner
Owen Cashner considers himself a professional dater and amateur comedian. His passion for writing led him to document his experiences using online dating websites. All opinions expressed on this website are to further educate men on the landscape of dating. Use this information to your advantage and conquer the dating world.
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